Tom Cruise is intending to eat Katie Holmes' placenta after his fiancée has given birth to their baby.“I have been training to get my body accustomed to zero gravity for months now,” Cruise told reporters. “That’s why I jumped up and down on Oprah’s couch.” Cruise said he and Holmes chose the moon because “it is really, really quiet there,” adding, “There are no human beings on the moon, no paparazzi, and most importantly, no psychiatrists.”
"Elsewhere, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld got a vote of confidence today from a retired member of the Texas Air National Guard. "
4 comments:
In real life Tom Cruise is not a vampire & he will not eat the placenta or his baby. He responded to your incessant phone calls, letters and early morning presence at his swimming pool, in nothing but a cape, with a stalking charge & you are angry. We understand this. But, he married Katie. Give it up. Leave them alone.
That was Tom Cruise? What does Michael Jackson look like? In any event, if he'll dump L. Ron, accept Lugh as the one true god, and repent for killing Chef, I'm willin to call it even.
Tom also needs to work on his shortness. American ingenuity has overcome genetic defects before. For example, in the 1950's the leading candidate to become Princess Summerfall Winterspring had a speech defect that caused her to transpose P’s into T’s. To become the Princes, one had to be able to say “Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.” Due to her genetic defect, it always came out “Teter Titer ticked a teck of tickled tetters.” She didn’t give up, but went to Buffalo Bob who invented a machine that would turn tea into peas when the crank was turned. He turned the crank while the princes candidate tried again. It turned her T’s into P’s enabling her to recite it correctly and earn the title.
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