Legal Stuff & More Sex

Legal Stuff
They don't make um any bettern Lonnie Turner. These are excerpts from his closing argument in Davis v. Tyson which he tried with Cousin Jim.

"Now they had been raising chickens and they didn't have a moisture problem with chickens and I think most of us know that. I've never seen a chicken take a leak in my life; but that ain't the case with hogs. That ain't the case with hogs. Them hogs will produce as much water as the Mulberry Creek on a rampage will."

"What they did to my client was like a farmer castrating a calf, and telling the calf he was doing it a favor."

On punitive damages, "When I was young, I got my ass whipped for lighting a little cedar bush at the front step of our old home place and nearly burning the house down."

This is a typical deposition: It was taken by my ole buddy Joe Jamail. One time me'n ole Jamail . . .

Sex

This is Sheena, Queen of the Jungle, for whom I had the hots in my elementary school years.

Gonads, Vulva, Penis, Intercourse.

Some have complained that I don't have the sex appeal of the Iconoclast. Sex sells and politics is boring. To spice things up, I'm shamelessly and lustfully copying Jonah's material. The Pic at the left is from Dr. Thomas the Bogus Blogger
Equally erotic is Naked Lunch
"Phillip and Tina Sherman of Bella Vista have sued McDonald's for at least $3 million after nude photographs of Tina were posted on the Internet. Phillip seems to have left his cell phone at McDonald's on Sixth Street in Fayetteville on July 5. Tina soon learned that the nude pictures of herself, which she had sent to her husband's phone, had been posted on-line by clever burger-flippers, along with her name, address, and phone number. The brisk response of phone calls and text messages was unwelcome, and Tina says she was mortified and cried uncontrollably.

To compensate them for their foolishness, the Sherman's have filed suit against McDonald's Corp., Matthews Management Co. and Aaron Brummley, a local manager, for negligence and negligent supervision. They want no less than $1 million for outrage; no less than $1 million for public disclosure of private facts; and, no less than $1 million for casting the Shermans in a false light. They claim that they and their family suffered severe mental and emotional distress, physical injury, pain and suffering, embarrassment, damage to their reputations, fear, and loss of earnings. They also want to be paid for the cost of moving to a new residence.

Let this be a lesson kids. Don't be sending nekkid pictures of yourself to anyone's cell phone."

Nearing The End of An Error

Thanks to Gene

Paradise Now

“To the repentant thief upon the cross, the soft Jesus of the modern Bible holds our hope of Heaven. ‘Today thou art with me in Paradise.’ But in older translations, as Soen Roshi points out, there is no ‘today,’ no suggestion of the future. In the Russian translation, for example, the meaning is ‘right here now.’ Thus, Jesus declares, ‘You are in Paradise right now’–how much more vital! There is no hope anywhere but in this moment, in the karmic terms laid down by one’s own life. This very day is an aspect of nirvana, which is not different from samsara but, rather, a subtle alchemy, the transformation of dark mud into the pure, white blossom of the lotus.
‘Of course I enjoy this life! It’s wonderful! Especially when I have no choice’” From The Snow Leopard by Peter Matthessen

Stand By Me All Over The Place-Only The Cheese Stands Lone.

Thanks to Judge C.

Teresa Brewer- Step to the Rear & My little grass shack in Kealekekua, Hawaii

Lieberman's A Turd In The Punch Bowl.

See, Lieberman's Biggest Crime Of All by Bob Geiger " . . .deep down, underneath all the words and speeches and photo opportunities with the McCain-Palin ticket, what Lieberman was really after was four to eight more years of neo-conservative Republican rule. At least four more years of the same leadership that made 80 percent of Americans believe the country was on the wrong track. And up to eight, 12 or even 16 more years of the same policies that have driven the United States to the point of social, economic and political ruin. Beyond every outward thing Joe Lieberman did in 2008, he finally came out and admitted through his actions that he is exactly what we've always known he is -- a Republican. That alone disqualifies him from leading a committee in a Democratic Senate or, for that matter, even sitting in the same room with the Democratic caucus. And, for dismissing all of that, 42 Senate Democrats should be profoundly ashamed."

Two of the great virtues:Patience and Wisdom.

Luna- August 1992-November 12, 2008

Luna died on November 12. Kim found her in August of 1992 at Hendrix when some maintenance men rescued her from under the student center which had been fumigated by some exterminators. Her mother and litter mates died. Luna stayed alive and toxic. The chemicals took their toll. I don’t know if her cancer (of the larynx) was related to them, but sixteen years after the exposure, any tick that got on her neck would die.
From Kim:
She may have been the ugliest cat I had ever seen, but I took her home and vowed to take care of her. Angie protested at first, but eventually gave in. We kept her in a box in my room for a long time while she gained enough strength to live. Bill gave us tips on caring for her and we eventually nursed her back to health. She was always feisty and you never knew if you would get a kiss or a slash when you approached her. She was also finicky and always preferred to drink running water from the faucet as opposed to drinking from her bowl. She would wait in the kitchen sink or bathtub for someone to come to turn on the water for her. My fondest memories are of her curling up in a ball in my lap to watch television or sleeping by my feet on cold nights. She was a sweet cat and she will be missed.

From Barbara whom Luna called Barbar:
In the summer of 1993 Kim asked if we could take care of Luna "for the summer" while she went off to work in Tennessee. Fifteen years later she was still with us. I took her to the vet clinic across from the office on Halsted. The vet was asking me her name when I noticed that his name tag said "Dr. Luna". I was almost embarrassed to tell him hers....... I made the mistake of applying some flea and ticket repellent on her not long after she came to our house. She began frothing at the mouth and she stretched out on her side on the floor and began dragging herself around in a circle while she caterwauled (think of Curly on the 3 Stooges). We called Bill (the Vet) and he confirmed she was exhibiting signs of chemical sensitivity. I'd just made her more toxic! Her chemical dependency continued to exhibit itself. If she was near anyone wearing hand lotion, she would try her best to lick it off. She had brain damage. But she wasn't dumb. We taught her how to give "kisses" -- if you put your face close to hers and said "kiss," she would lick your nose. She was also the most petite cat I ever had -- probably to do with the initial rough start to her life. In spite of her handicaps she was absolutely fearless. One day a large dead catfish washed up on the bank of the lake. A bunch of turkey vultures were taking turns picking at it. Luna wanted part of the action and walked deliberately among them oblivious to any danger. Fortunately, I saw it happening and raced down to swoop her up before the vultures did. She was not happy with me. We also had a couple of dogs over the years that Luna lived with us. She got her bluff in early and they never bothered her. She survived long after the dogs were gone. She also managed to get stuck in trees before she figured out there were other places to hide from the neighbor dogs. The first time she got stuck in a small oak tree about 4 inches around. We didn't have a ladder tall enough to reach her and we couldn't climb the tree, so we had to cut it down with her in it! After that we rigged up a basket attached to a rake as a "cherry picker" to reach her. The last time the dogs chased her up a tree was about 3-4 years ago. She got about 20 feet up the tree and promptly fell out of it. She did not land on her feet. Miraculously, she wasn't hurt at all.
Luna went into heat and, as adolescents will do, could think of nothing else. She would caterwaul and “back up” to her friends. Finally, Bill satisfied her with a Q-tip. Apparently she never forgot that experience (does anyone?). Wish I could say that it worked, but she was no less frisky and in fact grew to love Q-tips so much that we had to keep them out of her reach. If she got a hold of one, she would wrestle with it until it fell apart. After she came to live with us I had to put away the container of Q-Tips I kept on the bathroom counter. We'd come home and find Q-Tips on the floor. Many years later (2006) I put a container of Q-Tips on the downstairs bathroom counter thinking that she was probably over all that. A day or so later we found about 18 Q-Tips all over the bedroom and bathroom -- on the floor, on the bed, under rugs, etc. Aside from the ongoing drama and entertainment she provided, I think what I loved about Luna most was her "honesty." She was uncomplicated and direct. You always knew when she was happy or mad -- the only two "emotions" she seemed to exhibit. I consider Luna our "miracle" cat. Her existence itself was a miracle. And I think she was in far more pain than we knew, but she plugged along almost "normally" all the way to the end. I knew something was up when she quit wanting to drink water in the bathtub a few days ago. She was a sweet kitty cat and I miss her, but I'm glad she's not in any more pain.

From Jim:
Luna was nearly blind, had poor balance, and the only cat I’ve ever seen who was slower than I. She was athletic character in spite of her lack of coordination. She loved climbing the screens and would be half-way up the window most times. She loved it when Scott would sing her special song How Much Is That Pussy In The Window when he’d see Luna perched in the windowsill. In her early days, she loved and was loved by Kim, Angie, Cristi, Ann, Jennifer, Bill and Scott. Luna loved drinking in the bathtub, showering in the sink, sleeping with Barbar, meditating with Jim, being with Kim, jumping into Aarika’s lapenjoying her discomfort, taking some of Cecil’s blood, and answering the phone. Luna also loved and was loved by Andrea who took care of her when we were gone. Luna was her favorite cat. Luna was tolerant of children and was the favorite of the young ones who could not get near other cats. She was grateful to Margot, Dr. Angie, Karen, Marilyn, Diane, Carol, Mayse, Sarah, Marilyn, Miranda and all at the cat clinic who took good care of her.
We all miss you Luna.

I pondered......for a day or two......and with everything that's going on in the outside world and in my own little sick world, I, too have questions about believing and what "is to believe"?! But it all goes back to one thing and one thing only....what's inside and what we feel is right in our hearts......By no means am I a bible thumper; however, I am a very big believer of a "Higher Being"......and with that, I had to open my daily devotional this morning. Novermber 11th......I was needing something to help in this week of uncertainty; and I'm not talking about politics or the world economics-I believe that will work out; we have to trust in the "Higher Being"-don't we or don't we?.....And, I guess in this self imposed uncertainty, I was thinking of myself and food for the soul.....I need "maintenance" for my heart and something to keep me going and for some reason.....I'm not getting it.....however; I do find comfort in these words and I hope someone else who reads this may too:

He shall come down like rain upon the mown grass.

Psalm 72:6

Amos speaks of the king's mowings. Our King has many scythes, and is perpetually mowing His lawns. The musical tinkle of the whetstone on the scythe portends the cutting down of myriads of green blades, daisies, and other flowers. Beautiful as they were in the morning, within an hour or two they lie in long, faded rows.

Thus in human life we make a brave show, before the scythe of pain, the shears of disappointment, the sickle of death.

There is no method of obtaining a velvety lawn but by repeated mowings:

And there is no way of developing tenderness, evenness, sympathy, but by the passing of God's scythes. How constantly the Word of God compare man to grass, and His glory to its flower. But when the grass is mown, and all the tender shoots are bleeding, and desolation reigns where flowers were bursting, it is the most acceptable time for showers of rain falling soft and warm.

O soul, thou has been mown! Time after time the King has come to thee with His sharp scythe. Do not dread the scythe-it is sure to be followed by the shower.

F. B. Meyer

OBAMA ELECTION REPRESENTS MANY FIRSTS

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Many are commenting upon the seismic novelty of Obama’s election as President of the United States. There are many dimensions to this, some easily overlooked. Among the more significant perhaps is that this marks the first time that a black family has been asked to move into a formerly white residence with the expectation of raising property values!

It now appears that this novel outcome was brought about not only by a historic turnout among young voters and minority voters but also by a drop in turnout by white voters. Apparently, this demographic of confused voters was trapped between the objective failure of a dogma previously embraced and a prejudice precluding acceptance of a rational alternative and stayed home. Minds it would seem, accustomed to surrendering reason to belief have a hard time resorting to reason even when belief has plainly failed them. This raises a question, do people choose to be believers or are they born that way? Do they believe because they can’t think or just choose not to? What an irony that would be?! Perhaps thinkers should put together an initiated act to prevent believers from marrying. It might trigger an interesting debate.

Welcome To Our World Piper Suzanne Crenshaw.

Piper was born this morning at 8:55 am after an 18 hour labor and weighed 6 lbs 4 ounces. Pictured here are Piper, Sister Shelby,Mom, and Dad. The liberal law firm where Mom works has graciously given her time off work until Monday.

New World Order

Note to Palin Republicans-THIS IS A SATIRE.

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.

Thanks to Judge C.

Seventy Years Hasn't Diluted The Horror of Kristallnacht

"On the nights of November 9 and 10, gangs of Nazi youth roamed through Jewish neighborhoods breaking windows of Jewish businesses and homes, burning synagogues and looting. In all 101 synagogues were destroyed and almost 7,500 Jewish businesses were destroyed. 26,000 Jews were arrested and sent to concentration camps, Jews were physically attacked and beaten and 91 died (Snyder, Louis L. Encyclopedia of the Third Reich. New York: Paragon House, 1989:201)."

Pass Life On. Be An Organ Donor. Sing It John!

"Here's to the first of the day, fellas. To ol' D. H. Lawrence."

Hank Thompson Died One Year Ago Today. We Miss You Hank.

Here, Hank does one of my favorite patriotic songs- Red Neck, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer.

It's Time To Heal. Hat's Off To John McCain For Helping Us Along That Road.

“My friends, we have come to the end of a long journey. The American people have spoken, and they have spoken clearly," . . . A little while ago, I had the honour of calling Senator Barack Obama to congratulate him on being elected the next president of the country that we both love . . .This is an historic election. I recognize the special significance it has for African-Americans, for the special pride that must be theirs tonight. . . I've always believed that America offers opportunities to all who have the industry and will to seize it. Senator Obama believes that, too. . . .We both recognise that though we have come a long way from the old injustices that once stained our nation's reputation ... the memory of them still had the power to wound. . . .I urge all Americans who supported me to join me in not just congratulating him but offering our next president our goodwill and earnest effort to find ways to come together. . . .Whatever our differences, we are fellow Americans. . . . Senator Obama has achieved a great thing for himself and for his country, and I applaud him for it and offer him his sincere sympathy his beloved grandmother did not see him on this day” John McCain
McCain was graceful and courageous in a difficult moment. He put country first and admonished supporters who were disrespectful. Thanks John.

Don't Let Cameron Down. Vote for Change He Can Believe In.

Don't forget about the change in voting procedure this year. If you're voting for Obama, go to the polls today, November 4. If you're for McCain, go to the polls on Wednesday November 5. Thanks to Cristi for the tip.

Hockey Mama for Obama

Palin Talks to Sarkozy Who Wasn't Talking to Her. Both Like Hunting From Helicopters.

Just When McCain Thought Things Couldn't Get Worse, Cheney Endorses Him.

Taking America Back.

DOUBLE CLICK ON THE PICTURE TO HEAR BEN EXPLAIN IT.
Thanks to Jane.